What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?The writing is technically not bad and it is easy to read. The author would seem to be an able storyteller were it not for the story's lack of originality.
What aspect needs the most work?The overuse of worn-out, cliched dialogue and blanket geriatric generalizations makes the prose static and dull. While the composition itself is for the most part grammatically sound, it simply lacks any depth or verve to really pull the reader in. It was a slog for me to get through this excerpt; nothing compelled me to want to read further. I would also urge the author to find his own voice and be aware of the difference between emulation and imitation inasmuch as this piece is a derivative rehashing of the same old themes seen time and time again in books and film.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?This excerpt lost many points with me because it is derivative and lacks originality. It is an oft-told tale of cliched cantankerous geriatric patients following a cliched narrative arc. I think the author should seize upon a new angle for both the story and the characters while ratcheting up the pace a few notches and adding a little spark to the inert characterizations. Otherwise the narrative is stuck in the predictable same old same old.
EXPERT REVIEWER #2
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?I love the humor in this excerpt. Although nursing homes are not the most upbeat, cheery places, the residents in this home made me smile and chuckle a bit to myself. Walter, despite his inappropriateness, is very funny, and therefore, very likeable.
What aspect needs the most work?Within this excerpt, I didn't find anything that was noteworthy needing editing. I enjoyed the comedy of this story, and am curious as to where the story will go.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?I liked this story a lot. I also think that as Americans age, there are many people who can relate either from their own experience or that of a family member.
A lot of people new to the writing game would have stopped reading after the first review and thrown themselves off the top of a tall building (or into a giant vat of human waste if you were working on a construction project at a waste treatment plant and had access to one). You have to be just a little twisted to make it though, and a little cock sure of yourself. It's a little ironic though, because even if the first reviewer was room temperature in their warmth, the second one would have pulled me through. Damn you, free will and individual preferences!
Thanks for reading!