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Welcome to the blog and site of Iowa Author Buzz Malone. I always enjoy hearing from readers. Please leave comments and send me emails to let me know what you think. Your opinions matter more than you might think. Your words inspire me more than you could ever know. To find out more about my writing and books, please click above on the book titles or email me at buzzdmalone@gmail.com

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Friday, January 18, 2013

The Oprah Armstrong Obama Affair

After writing an entire blog yesterday for some stranger in China, I thought I should write something today for the one official follower of my new blog (hi Jay).
But then, something strange happened this morning when I logged on. I had another follower on the list! So, naturally, I wanted to find out if my new follower had a blog of their own and started clicking on stuff...
and accidentally added myself as a follower to my own blog. If I were younger, I'd know how to remove myself as a follower (and might have my 13 year old son do it when he gets home tonight for me, right after I have him show me how to get the television to work again)...
But for the time being, it's sort of okay, because if new visitors aren't paying attention, they'll look and say, "Hey, he's got three whole followers. Maybe I had better jump on this here bandwagon right now, before the old popularity train leaves the station and I get left behind, looking like some Johnny Come Lately to the next big internet sensation thingy."
So, I read a blog last night about how to make your blog go viral and become the next big internet blogging sensation thingy, and it said that you have to post blogs about trending topics, and today the topics most trendy and bloggy are Oprah, Lance, and Obama. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a picture of the three of them together, or we'd be swimming in bloglicious internet gold right now, even though a gazillion hits isn't going to make me any more cashola than one. Also, when I got to thinking about it, a few things occurred to me...
First, if the blog writer really knew the secret to writing hugely successful blogs, he'd be writing them, instead of writing blog posts about how to write successful blogs. It's the same thing I think when I see the get rich quick guys on TV. I'm pretty sure that if this guy really possessed the secret to unlimited wealth that he would probably be busy counting his money instead of creating infomercials and hocking books and CD's for 29.95 plus shipping. After all, you don't see Bill Gates on TV selling you a book that reveals all of his 'how to' secrets, do you?
The next thing that donned on me, was that deep down inside, Americans don't really care about Lance Armstrong or bicycling or doping. Not really, not way deep down inside. In fact, we don't really care about the sport of bicycling at all. Don't believe me? Really? The photo above is what it looked like the last time an American tried to watch the entire Tour De France.  He started out with good intentions I bet.
Sure, we liked Lance Armstrong for his cancer foundation and his apparent charm every time he appeared on Oprah (second mention of Oprah - I can almost feel the tsunami wave of internet clicks headed my way). But mostly, as Americans, we loved Lance Armstrong because every time he won, it pissed off the French to no end. But, that's the only reason. We're not about to really embrace a sport like bicycling. Hell, even bicyclists don't like to actually watch it...
We need action to keep our attention, and violence...
We need excitement and drama and the impending threat of a possibly near fatal calamity. And if you're going to be in a sport that has none of those things and would normally bore us to death...
You had better at least be wearing very short skirts, and make sure that the arena you play in has all of the qualities of a wind tunnel at the Boeing test labs.
So, maybe I have already answered the looming question, of whether or not a country boy from Iowa can become an overnight international web sensation (as if there was ever any question), and maybe the folks who read my blog won't be able to follow all of the trending topics about celebrities...
Even if I like their shirts and admire their hair styles...
But at the very least, I can promise that this is the last time you will ever have to come here and lay your eyes on this pair.
Yeah, that's sort of how I feel about them too.
From the corn fields and hay fields of Iowa, no matter where you're from, thanks for stopping by!

Thanks for Reading,



  1. I gotta learn how to do what you do... keep it short and interesting :) If I was 40 years younger I could figure out how to put in the pictures like you do but, alas, even my youngest (14) is more interested in his game system than computers :/
    Entertaining as usual, Buzz. Keep it up.

  2. What a fun blog you have. I too, made the mistake of following my own blog and have no idea of how to change it. In the meantime, until I figure it out, hopefully I'm not breaking some blog law and hopefully people won't think that I'm all narcissistic and stuff. Thanks, too, for following my blog.

  3. You have broken a blog law Carmen...and the punishment is a life sentence reading blogs about accounting practices for the insurance industry. Enjoy.

  4. Jay, if it was easy to do what I do, then everybody would be doing it, and then where would all of my regular readers (hi mom!) go?

  5. I like your other 'followers' really enjoy your blog! I like the flow of it and I am very visual...I am new to blogging...(Probably spelled that wrong, but there is no spell check). And I have to admit that I too accidentally followed myself:)P.S. Who wants to go with what's trending? Your the center of attention for 24 hours then pushed to the back for the next big thing:)